Intimate Relationships don’t just happen, they have to be cultivated. As parents, sometimes we forget that just because we birthed these little humans, it doesn’t mean that they automatically click with us or think we are cool enough to be in their space or heed our words of advice.
Intimacy requires work.
Here’s the good news. If you do it right, and by right we mean actually developing an intimate relationship with your kiddo, you will open the portal to having a weighty voice in your child’s life. Intimate relationships motivate your child to want to obey your voice.
How do we accomplish this intimacy thing? Glad you asked.
First on the agenda is building trust. Trust comes from being honest with yourself and your kids. They need to see you behaving the way you tell them to behave. The old, “Do as I say and not as I do” adage will destroy trust in your relationship. Moral of the story – do as you say.
Intimate relationships between parents and kids motivate kids to want to please their parents. It’s the same concept as best friends. Teens don’t want to disappoint their BFFs. If the relationship is in place between parent and child, they won’t want to disappoint you either. Respect is birthed out of intimacy.
Another great way to open the door to intaimacy is to let your kids teach you something. It shows them you respect their knowledge and know-how, and it also reveals that you are willing to be vulnerable with them.
Put your screen down when your kids are around. Giving them your direct and complete attention. Eye contact speaks volumes. Be an active listener and plug into their world. Being fully invested in what is happening in their life tells them that you really care and you are not just trying to preach at them.
If you have little ones, read a story before bed together. For older peeps, climb into their bed at night and enjoy some teen time. Teens become very chatty at bedtime. Have them show you their Vine, SnapChat or Instagram, post some pictures of them and buy instant instagram followers for your account. You’ll laugh and enjoy some bonding time.
Be available for them. Rearrange your schedule for them. This doesn’t mean you drop everything when they beckon, but it does mean letting them know that they are important to you.
While you’re building this intimate relationship with them, affirm them when they are genuinely good at something. Although, beware of flattery. They can smell that a mile away, and you will lose their trust.
Focus on building memories. Let your goal be to discover what they are genuinely passionate about and dive deeply into it. Help them become a mini expert at it. Take pictures of your adventures, and make a scrapbook together or for your kiddo.
And don’t forget little surprises along the way. My youngest loves the gift of a surprise Starbucks!
Kids are more prone to follow rules, heed parents advice and want to please if there is intimacy in their relationship. Intimate relationships are motivating.