Can They Say It With Confidence?

Have you ever experienced the awkward introduction of a timid child? You know, the kind where the kid looks everywhere but at you? She’s burrowing into her mother, burying her head, peaking out on occasion, speaking just barely above a whisper. I don’t know about you, but I see this all the time, and it makes me sad. So early in my parenting I decided that I was going to do my best to train confident kids who would bless the people they meet.

That was a long time ago, and I’m in a new season of life. My oldest is married, and he and his wife are both attorneys in New Hampshire. My youngest has been out of school for a few years already, and now I’m helping to raise my granddaughter. So in this season of life, I feel called to help the parent standing beside the timid child. As far as I can tell, there are two basic types: the embarrassed parent who tries to dismiss the child’s timidity or feels like they have to offer an excuse for the withdrawn behavior, or the unknowing parent who doesn’t recognize that there might be a problem because it’s so commonplace.

My heart aches for the parents, and quite frankly, it grieves for the kids too. The kids don’t understand why their hearts pound and why a sudden, sometimes crippling, insecurity grips them with a simple introduction.

One mom even told me that her son wouldn’t look at the doctor when asked him how he was feeling.  Another mom said her daughter would to her room and hide when the doorbell rang. I even had a mom say that her children couldn’t carry on a phone conversation without panic.

This is nothing short of a crisis.

As parents, it’s our job to give our kids effective communication tools. In fact, raising great communicators is one of the hallmarks of the C2C way. So, in my quest to help parents train confident kids, I came up with a weekly assignment that produced great fruit in my own children and is now bearing fruit in many other kids. I am convinced that it can change a child’s life and alter the way they perceive themselves in relationship to other people.

Remember the moms I talked about with painfully shy kids?  Well, after implementing this assignment, those same kids now look the doctor in the eye and explain what’s wrong, answer the door with confidence, and talk on the phone comfortably. I’ve even seen teens and pre-teens grow into effective communicators who can contact a place of business without hesitation and gather important information with respect and confidence.

Eager to know what this secret tool is? First, let me prescribe that it be done at least three times a week. Repetition is key.  The more they practice, the more confident they will become. (Begin with role-playing and practice as a family before assigning this to them publicly.)

  • With you watching, have your child approach someone they do not know (this could be a clerk at a store, a new person at church, a new friend in a club, etc.).
  • Explain to them how to make strong eye contact (this means not to look away, look the person in the eye).
  • Instruct them to extend their right hand firmly and directly. No wimpy handshakes (this goes for girls too).
  • Have them memorize, “Hello, my name is_________________, what is your name?  It’s very nice to meet you, have a great day.”
  • When they report back, have them repeat the entire conversation, especially the person’s name.  Nervousness = mind going blank. If they know they have to come back to you with a name, it will help them focus on remembering. This can take time, but I promise that the anxiety will eventually disappear.

After they master this, you can move on to what I like to call the “interview” — teaching kids to move into a conversation after an introduction by asking open-ended question. But you’ll have to check back for a future post on that one!

Know this, your kids have something to say, and God wants them to say it with confidence.

Be sure to stop back and leave a comment, letting us know how it’s going!

Jody Hagaman

Jody Hagaman and her husband Tony have three kids, ages 18 to 30 and one precious baby grandchild. Jody’s story of how her son asked to be homeschooled has inspired
tens of thousands of families around the nation. A true homeschooling success story, that son is now an attorney in New Hampshire and is the New England Regional Director of The Concord Coalition, a bipartisan
organization dedicated to advocating responsible fiscal policy.

As a community leader, Jody has served on the board of directors of many local non-profit organizations. Her work experience as a corrections officer on a crisis intervention team inspired her to make a difference in the lives of the next generation.

She and Jenni co-host a weekly radio show, write a syndicated weekly column and freelance articles and speak at churches, political groups and homeschool conventions about living on purpose with excellence and raising kids with the end result in mind.

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Jody Hagaman and her husband Tony have three kids, ages 18 to 30 and one precious baby grandchild. Jody’s story of how her son asked to be homeschooled has inspired
tens of thousands of families around the nation. A true homeschooling success story, that son is now an attorney in New Hampshire and is the New England Regional Director of The Concord Coalition, a bipartisan
organization dedicated to advocating responsible fiscal policy.

As a community leader, Jody has served on the board of directors of many local non-profit organizations. Her work experience as a corrections officer on a crisis intervention team inspired her to make a difference in the lives of the next generation.

She and Jenni co-host a weekly radio show, write a syndicated weekly column and freelance articles and speak at churches, political groups and homeschool conventions about living on purpose with excellence and raising kids with the end result in mind.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

6 thoughts on “Can They Say It With Confidence?

  1. This was EXTREMELY helpful. I’ve never met a stranger and neither has my husband. My daughter is very outgoing with people she knows but is timid at first. I wasn’t sure whether I should just let her warm up, or what. It’s always made me feel the same as you when I am around parents who do not know what to do…and now I’m one of them. However, I am aware that unaddressed this does not go away; it turns into a disregard and unmannered young adults. So, thank you, Jodiy

    • Yes, Lely, being aware is half the battle. Well, now that you have the early steps to a plan, stay posted for future updates on how to create a little conversationalist.

  2. I use to do the same thing with my children. I actually, still have my 16, 15 & 11 year old go up to clerks and ask questions periodically. Very important article Jody.

  3. We do tons of role playing with our children and I encourage them to practice when we are in public, but so many times the “practice session” never presents itself. I love the assignment idea! Can’t wait to implement this one!! Love it!! Thank you!

    • That’s great, Erica! You are preparing your kids for future opportunities. It sounds like you have a lot of communication happening in your home . . . LOVE THAT!

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